Month: October 2014

Yesterday I took at look at my month of writing. Here’s where I want to go:

Change this blog format! Yes, my comments are wonky. Fix that. I want it to be more inviting, hold photos really, really well, and have an easy way to get my RSS feed or maybe even connect on Facebook. I would absolutely love to know what isn’t working for you on my blog, format-wise. What are your favorite features on blogs you love?

Be relentlessly ordinary. I want to focus more on the seemingly mundane parts of our life. I love seeing that on my blog. Yes, it is selfish, but I’m writing for myself and my family, mostly, so that’s what I want to write about.

Develop a regular schedule of some kinds of posts. In particular, I like to review the week, so I just need to pick a day. Sundays, I think. I also like holding myself accountable on my projects around the house. I think twice a month to check in on those would be fun.

Don’t be afraid to share my heart. Sometimes I would get shy and not want to post something that felt revealing. I felt that way even if I thought it was important. A good example is that proverb that I posted about, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”  It also felt revealing to post about how I have always wanted to be a homemaker, and hard it has been to own that. I want to stay open to writing things like that.

Keep writing. It’s definitely a muscle that needs to be used. It gets stronger the more I work it out. And I’m thrilled I made it all 31 days.

One thing I’m looking forward to sharing in the next year is our new home on the farm! Rumor has it that ground will be broken today. (Rumors have been wrong before, though, so I’m not holding my breath.) I may even do a “31 days of building a farmhouse” next October.

I’ve had a really interesting month doing this challenge. It confirmed to me that I miss writing, and while I don’t think I’ve really landed on my sweet spot in the blogging world yet, I’m on my way. I would love to have you join me as I continue this little experiment. You can get my posts if you use the RSS for posts, or maybe you use Feedly or something similar.

So, what do you think about my ideas? If you did the 31 day challenge, how do you think it went?

 

I thought that a review of the month would be my last post. But in reviewing my blog, I think it is better as two posts instead. Today, I want to review how this 31-day blog experiment has gone for me, what looks like it worked and what didn’t. Tomorrow, my post will be more forward-looking, to let you know where I’d like to go with this blog.

I took on the 31-day blogging challenge only to see if I wanted to start blogging again. I didn’t have a topic–I was almost purposefully random. I definitely “tried on” different kinds of posts as the month went along. Some felt natural. Others were much less so, and I’m sure those stood out!

I liked sharing the two Bible verses that I wrote about this month (a Proverb and several stories from Jeremiah).

I loved having a bloggable article that hits me where I live and makes me think. I love having a place like this to ruminate. (Other people have empty rooms…I have my blog! lol)

I liked my “This is what we did on a random day” posts. I’ve already forgotten some of those things, and I don’t know I would even have written about them in a journal. Kind of related to that are the “Week in Review” posts. I used to do those posts on Friday, but that won’t work in our current world. I might move them to Sunday evenings.

Most of all, I loved being able to share about our HOPE trip to the Dominican Republic. They are doing amazing work in poverty alleviation. I am happy to help spread their message.

I’m not a “mommy blogger.” First, my kids are too old. Second, my “wise woman” posts feel dumb and sound dumber.

I thought I’d blog more about crafts, or food, or clothes. Or horses. I don’t know how I did so little of that.

I absolutely despise the tech side of blogging. When my pictures went away I thought I was done for. I want to change the look of my blog, and some things like the comment area, but I will pay someone rather than frustrate myself.

I actually blogged less about my kids than I thought, too. I mean, I don’t really think I got into their lives in an intrusive way. They have read my posts and are fine with them, so there you are. But I’m not really worried about violating their privacy because I don’t think I saw a tendency to over-share.

I need to edit better before I hit publish. Too many typos, and too many awkward sentences.

I had a post about an ordinary life. It’s a pretty good description of how I feel about my best blogging.

I think I know where I want to go with my blog now. Tomorrow I’ll share that.

Meanwhile, I leave you with a recent text exchange. Thank God for good friends. And texting.

If you’ve read any of my old posts, did any one of them stand out in a good or bad way? And if you blogged through this October, what have you learned about your writing?

When it comes to raising our children, Bill and I have always agreed that our goal is not good kids. Our goal is competent, God-fearing adults who are capable of being happy. They aren’t necessarily the same thing, you know?

I’ve come across a couple of things in the last day or so that have me thinking. First, Penelope Trunk wrote about how we need to spend at least as much time teaching our kids how to find a spouse as we do helping them pick a career. After all, a happy marriage is a huge component of a happy life, at least if not more important than the choice of career. One interesting bit of research shows that a breadwinner should choose a non-breadwinner.  According to Penelope, shared duties almost never work. And yes, I know Penelope is prone to sweeping statements but there is research to back her up.

My take-away from Penelope is to help my children know themselves and to understand what they are looking for in a spouse.

The second was a new study from American Enterprise Institute about family structure and economic outcome. It was discussed on Bill Bennett‘s radio show this morning, and I’ve read through it now. There is a ton of interesting information there, but it is only data and doesn’t try to identify correlation vs. causation. For example, the premium associated with growing up in a home with an intact marriage, and then being in an intact marriage yourself, is $40,000. That is a huge amount! But it doesn’t look at which comes first, the ability to be in a successful marriage or the ability to earn more money. But the differences are there and they are stark.

One little piece of information that got discussed on the radio show was that economic outcome of children increased with the educational level attained by the mother–even if she did not work when the kids were at home! As a stay-at-home mom with a master’s degree, that was interesting to me.

As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted a big family, and I wanted to be the mom. But when I was growing up, deep in the heart of the feminist era, that was really the one avenue that wasn’t open to me. “Oh, you want to do more than that” was something I heard often, not only from my mom but from my extended family. I was smart and got good grades, and I imagine everyone thought I was bound for high achievement in the work world. But what I heard was that being a wife and mom wouldn’t be enough. And that if I did really leave my career that I would have wasted my education.

In other words, I wanted a breadwinner but was trying to hide behind a breadwinner label myself. It didn’t go so well. I am lucky to have found a man who recognized my heart’s desire.

It has taken me a long time to feel like I don’t have to justify myself. Some days I forget all I’ve learned! But Bill will be the first to tell you that his success wouldn’t have come without the stable, comfortable home we’ve created together.

Education is never a waste. I am always informed by the thought processes I learned and used as an engineer and actuary. I bring some of that with me as I keep house and parent my sweet kids. No matter what my kids choose to do, breadwinner or not, their education is important and has implications for their lives, not just their work.

I can hardly believe it’s taken a couple of blog posts and an AEI study, of all things, to give me an “atta-girl” today. There’s definitely a lot more to think about, but I just wanted to share this one thing today.

I’d love to know what you think about this. Was your experience like mine growing up? What do you think about these studies?

I have really enjoyed trying to post every day–and this is my 28th straight post! Go, me. I’ve also been reading some other bloggers who are doing the 31-day challenge. Here are a few that have stood out for me:

Samantha McGowan:  A twenty-something writes about life. I love her perspective!

Carrie Owens Photography: Tips and tricks for capturing all the details of your life via photography. I wish she lived in Georgia!

Notes in the Key of Life:  Cindy writes about aging gracefully. It’s great to read writers who are a little ahead of me on the journey. So many bloggers seem to be thirty-somethings with little kids.

Copperlight Wood: Beautiful prayers from a mom in Alaska. Equally beautiful pictures.

Grace Every Day: Beth is posting about 31 different evocative songs this month. Very fun!

Tales From a Southern Catholic Momma: The Momma is relating her story of depression. Painful, but brave.

The Hope Diaries: Marriage, infidelity, and redemption. Powerful.

Adventurous Life with Christ: Robyn is telling her family’s adoption story. Great writing!

Honestly, I feel a little guilty just linking to a few of the more than 1200 blogs participating in the challenge. You can hop over here to check out even more interesting blogs.

It’s been almost a month, and I think it’s time to write a post about one of my favorite places, Shady Oaks Farm.

We bought Shady Oaks about two and a half years ago. Both our daughters were riding, and we had bought them ponies. Then I started riding, and of course then I bought a horse! Bill started adding up our expenses, and it was almost the same as purchasing a farm (or so we thought, lol). Plus we would much rather look at land, and enjoy it, than have a stock portfolio.

After a couple of months of shopping and agonizing, we happened into a wonderful little farm not too far from our house. It was already named for the beautiful alle´e of oaks that leads to the business end of the farm.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t also say that Bill and I had no clue about how to run a farm. But I loved our trainer Sandra, and asked if she and her husband would be open to moving to the farm, managing it, and being the trainer there. Thankfully they said yes! I think it’s been a blessing all around.

So Shady Oaks has grown over the years, from 25 to 55 acres, and one riding arena to two, and we have a third on the drawing board. We have two barns, one for hay and equipment and the other for horses. We’ve added fencing all over, a cross-country field, and trails all over the farm, including down by the creek. Our most recent addition are the gates that I am inordinately proud of. I think they are gorgeous!!

We’ve also grown from about 12 horses to (I think) 26 right now. We’ve got many students, and a couple of horses who are here for training. We also have a goat, Moe, and a miniature donkey, Donkey. Or, Don-keh. (Say it with a Scottish accent. Get it?)

Just like Sandra and I had hoped, this barn is our happy place. We have wonderful boarders and students who are like family to us and each other. I wasn’t raised around horses, and I am continually amazed at the lessons my girls and all the other riders learn from being around these animals. Horse life has it all–divas, hard work, grit, terrible bad luck, beautiful partnerships.  And so we keep at it.

Here are a few pictures from our fall barn party this weekend, complete with horse and rider costume contest and freestyle dressage. We are so blessed to have such friends:

Our next project is a house for us!! We decided a few months ago that our lives would be greatly simplified by living at the farm. We had acquired a property that had held problematic neighbors (I’m being nice here), and they were gone. And Bill and I have always wanted a real farmhouse. So we are building a very authentic-looking Georgia Piedmont farmouse. Think full front porch, white clapboard, metal roof. The architect is in his last steps of completing the plans, and the area for the house should be graded this week. We are thrilled.

I hope you will join us over the next few months as we build this house and get ready to be farmers. I am looking forward to calling our happy place “home.”

I’ve had my Fitbit Flex for about six weeks now, including some time off while I waited for a replacement to be sent to me. The replacement has been working great, no worries, and I have about a month of continuous data to look at. The Fitbit app has a way to monitor sleep and water intake, in addition to steps. (It also does other things but I ignore those.) It’s been interesting to see where my perceptions of my activity match reality as recorded by the Fitbit, and where it doesn’t.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

• Start early:   I have found that if I wait until noon to finish my first 24 oz. tumbler of water, I’m probably not going to get there. If I get to 1 p.m. and I’m only at 3,000 steps, I’m not going to have time to take a walk and I’m definitely going to miss my goal of 10,000 steps. The lesson here is to attack my goals early.
• Intentionality is key:  If I don’t take a walk, on purpose, of at least 3,000-4,000 steps, I absolutely will not make my goal. Cooking, doing laundry, and straightening up around the house, even combined with a ton of errands, just doesn’t get me to 10,000 steps. Blog-writing definitely doesn’t get me there, either.
• Outside, not inside:  So I’m back to walking outside, which I used to do religiously, and I’m not going to the gym like I planned and I’m also not walking on the treadmill. The fresh air is wonderful! I’ve missed it and I think the Fitbit drove me to it. I used to sit and do needlework while I listened to Daily Audio Bible in the morning. Now I just grab the headphones and listen to Brian on the paths.
• Less:  water. I don’t drink as much water AT ALL now that the weather is turning the slightest bit cooler. The app is making me very conscious of low water intake. I think I would only drink about 8-10 oz on the coolest days if I didn’t have this app bugging me.
• Less: sleep. I found that I feel pretty great on about 6-1/2 hours of sleep consistently. That is less than I thought I would need! Sadly, I often don’t even get that much. I average somewhere around 5 hours and 50 minutes, and that isn’t enough. I can tell a huge difference between 5-3/4 hours and 6-1/2.
• Exercise for my brain, but eat for my body: I was already pretty active, riding 3-4 days per week and doing Pilates twice a week. During the last five weeks while I’ve had shingles issues that has slowed down, but I’m getting back to normal. I had thought that adding the walking would have made some small shift in my weight or how I feel around my middle. Nothing. Zip. A couple of years ago I had fantastic success when I cut most carbs out of my diet. It was an incredibly boring way to eat, though, and I slowly reverted back to a normal diet and a more normal (soft) body. For me, it’s all about the food. Losing the 5-8 pounds I’d like to shed will mean going back to a boring diet, and I just have to decide which I want more.

I think my Fitbit has been a pretty interesting tool, and I’m glad I’m using it. I’m not going to draw any sweeping conclusions yet, since I’ve been sick for so much of the last few weeks (NOT normal for me). But I also think I’m seeing some interesting trends.

What about you? Do you have a Fitbit, or another tool like this? Has anything surprised you?

When I used to write my blog I had a weekly review that I did. It was actually one of my favorite posts because I was able to track what happened in our family that way. I’m really super sleepy after having spent the entire evening at our barn party so I’ll see how this post goes tonight.

Last Saturday was the Homecoming Dance. It’s one of only two dances for the High School (the other is Prom) so lots of kids go. Here are a couple of pictures, one of Matthew ready to go, and the other of Jack with some of his friends. The ninth graders went to a big group dinner, which of course shows the value in the parents organizing some social activities early on in their middle school career. The tenth grade isn’t really like that and I wish it were!

Sunday was church and then a pretty relaxed afternoon. I was able to get the groceries bought, which always means that Monday is saner. Bill smoked chickens that night for dinner–and don’t they look lovely picking over the carcasses!

The week was a bit of a regular blur: Monday riding for the girls, Matthew practicing football late every night because this was a big day, Jack practicing his guitar every afternoon and running so that wrestling practice doesn’t kill him next week. I got two lessons in on my Finn (riding lessons).

The week in fact seemed to revolve around getting the dinner made on Thursday night. I wrote about it here.

Thursday night my eye started hurting again so I had to go back to the doctor on Friday. I’m back on full doses of medicine, which I hate. I have a hard time even remembering to take vitamins ever day! Five weeks on medicine is for the birds.

Last night was a huge, huge game for my son and his team. Sadly, we lost 28-35. It was so hard to watch! Our boys have so much heart. I just wish they could have pulled it out.

And, finally, today was our annual fall festival at the farm. The kids dress up along with their horses, and then we have freestyle dressage tests. We let the horses bob for apples (so fun!) and finally, we ate. Bill smoked his ribs, and we had a huge spread of food. A great ending to the week. I am looking forward to sharing more pictures soon.

Okay, it looks like I got through this before I fell asleep. What was the most rewarding part of your week?

 

**My photo stream doesn’t seem to want to cooperate, and I’m falling asleep. Pictures tomorrow. Meaniwhile, ‘night!  **Updated again because I added the pictures!

Several days (weeks?!) ago a friend challenged me on Facebook to name the ten books that have influenced me the most. Of course I have a tendency to think of the last ten books I read, but this time I wanted to dig in and see if I could come up with a real list that spanned more of my life. Sandi, here is your answer, finally.  And I figured that anything that took this much thought deserved its own blog post!

I’m not counting the Bible. It continues to influence me. How can you hear something ten times and then, on the eleventh hearing, get something completely new? So I’m leaving it off.

The Little House series: Seminal books in my growing-up years. I read and re-read these and I still love them.

The Phantom Tollbooth: Also a kid book! I had no idea how much wit and sarcasm an author could fit in one book. I reread it recently and it held up well.

Deliverance: An odd choice…because I loathed this book. We were required to read it in 12th grade English and I just thought that it wasn’t worth the time. I was disappointed in our teacher for requiring it, and I think that I was one of only two students who didn’t think our teacher was awesome for requiring it. (Several days in the library for us, right, Kris?)

The Great Divorce: I could name several by C.S. Lewis, but I’ll just pick one. I re-read this about every 18 months. Lewis opened my eyes to what real love is in this book, and he forever altered my vision of Hell.

Love and Respect:  Bill found this book, and we read it together. It was the first time we tried to apply, in a concrete way, Biblical principles in our marriage. It made our already good marriage great, and helped us to learn to trust God and His Word.

Same Kind of Different as Me:  Another earth-shaker. I so closely identified with the white guy in the book. It was eye-opening to read Denver’s point of view.

Great Expectations:  Hands down my favorite novel. I read it first when I was in my early 30’s and was blown away at how much I loved Dickens. I’ve read others but this is always the one I come back to.

The Artist’s Way:  The book that convinced this engineer/actuary that I could write and paint (not well!) and be creative. And also that I didn’t have to do things perfectly for them to be worthwhile.  The process changed my life…but you can only do it once!

Painting as a Pastime: Probably Winston Churchill’s shortest book, really more of a long essay. Necessary reading for all adults. I’m sorry but it’s true.

The Little Way of Ruthie Leming: Mostly because I wanted to list an influential book I read this year. Read this book.

Gates of Fire: Possibly my favorite historical fiction novel. Plus the Battle of Thermopylae is widely discussed in our house. Win-win.  Pressfield is so accurate in his descriptions of ancient Greece that history professors have their students read this book for the history.

Oops, that was eleven.

So I’d love to hear what books have influenced you over the years!  And do you find fiction or non-fiction to be more influential?

I’m sure you’ve seen Renee Zellweger’s new look by now. I hate to say it, but I miss your old look, Renee!

That second picture is only a year old…I think she’s had work done.

I get it. I’m a year older than Renee. While I don’t make my money from my face (a good thing!), I’m just like every woman. I watch the lines creep in, the fullness where it wasn’t before, the sag in another place. And it isn’t always fun or easy. But it has to happen.

I’ve realized you wear your life on your face.

I’m not anti-injectables! I think Botox has it’s place in delaying the inevitable. Heck, I even used it a few times in my late 30s and early 40s. I knew those lines were coming, but I just wanted to put them off for a year or so. I knew they had to come eventually. Nobody hits fifty unscathed.

Those laugh lines? They come from laughing.

The worry line, right there between the eyes? (Ugh, and the ones around my eyebrows?) They come from loving some people and caring about them and worrying about them!

The freckles and sun damage? In spite of all the sunscreen, they bear witness to the hours at the lake and the farm with my people.

And it would either be unnatural or really, really sad to get to my age and not have that experience to wear on my face.

When I think of the women I most want to be when I’m 65 or 70, I don’t think of Joan Rivers. I think of my grandmother, my mom, my aunts. Dear ladies at church who are gorgeous and loving and happy. And I don’t see how I get to that beauty with frequent stops at the plastic surgeon.

Well-maintained, however, is another matter altogether! Facials, a good diet and exercise–they are all important. It seems to me that just as important as those is loving the people in my life.

I do have a confession, though. When I was little I hit my nose on the very hard head of Jane my neighbor while we were running through the sprinkler. I don’t know if I broke it then, but the lump remains. Since cartilage keeps growing even as I age, my nose has gotten a little more crooked over the years. I do think about getting that straightened out…

What about you? What do you think about Renee’s new look? And what do you think about your own looks as you age?

 

**One of my fellow 31-dayers is posting a fun series on beauty and aging.  You should check it out!