Year: 2014

This was today’s Proverb on Daily Audio Bible (which is something you should really discover if you haven’t already. Different post. Ahem).

Talk about getting smacked between the eyes. I think I could now re-title my month of writing as “31 days of honesty,” because that’s been my problem.

I want to unpack this verse. It might take a couple of posts, even, because there is just so much going on. I feel very out of practice in my writing, so that I can’t even get to the important nugget here, but I hope I can get close to some of what this verse is making me see today.

When I first heard the verse today, I thought about how refreshing and sweet it can be to get an honest answer. More than that, it feels intimate. The person who is answering feels comfortable in expressing their honesty to me, and knows I won’t reject them because it. Just like a kiss on the lips–vulnerable and sweet and loving.

And then, of course, there is offering the answer.  When I am really honest, it feels so vulnerable. How do I know that the person I offer my answer to is even worth the risk?

And this is where I started thinking about this blog (and my old blogging efforts). I want to be honest. But it is scary–more accurately, intimidating. And also, maybe misplaced. I am a grown woman and I certainly don’t need to be emoting all over the internet.

But further. Making the offer of a sweet, honest observation or answer can be a real gift to the recipient. Here’s an example, because I’m having trouble explaining exactly what I mean. At church yesterday a friend observed that our kids are so friendly with each other. They really like each other! And he asked if they were always like that (yep, pretty much) and how we did that. OF COURSE my first instinct is to brush it off with a mumble of “luck,” “God is good,” “you should see them other times…” but you know what? That isn’t the whole truth. They ARE good friends, and some of that is due to some decisions that Bill and I made very intentionally when they were quite little.

Not being honest deprives my friend (or a reader) of that kiss. It really might help someone and I should be unafraid of the risk of sharing an honest experience I’ve had. It isn’t bragging and it’s not going to jinx my kids so that they hate each other from here on out. It’s not boasting but sharing real, true parenting experience that had a great result so far.

So here’s to honesty. And to the raw vulnerability that a kiss on the lips can feel like. And maybe I’ll share my ideas about helping your kids be friends another day.

**OH! That picture up there–I need to say that I didn’t take that, duh, but a wonderful photographer in Paris did. You can click here to find out more.**

If I’m actually going to blog, I need a few things around here.  First, an “About” page.  I love looking at other people’s pages! An interesting and informative about page is actually one of the most likely reasons I’ll add a blog to my reader.  So I guess I need one.

For my post today I created my “About Me” page.  Please click on the tab up there to check it out, or this link should also do the trick.

Scenes from this weekend, so far:

Today, right now, is my favorite age for all my kids.  I love them so much, just like they are now, and if I could freeze them like they are right this second I would.

Except.  Last week, and last year, and five years ago, I would have told you exactly the same thing.  Well, maybe not for the one in 6th grade.  Sixth grade kind of stinks.  But in general, I marvel every day at how much I love where my children are right now.

If I had been able to freeze them, I would have loved it.  But I would have missed out on the incredible blessings of who they are today.  That’s what I learned.

If I get too caught in loving all my circumstances right this second, my happiness will be shattered if anything changes.  And it WILL change.

Instead, I’ve had to choose to love who my kids and husband are right now, in this moment.  And it’s a choice I have to make every single day.

And so that is why I’m writing this blog now.  First, so I can have a record of how awesome our lives are together.  And to share how we have learned to adapt to new circumstances that are inevitable as the kids get bigger.

I’ve noticed that there are lots of mom bloggers with little bitty kids.  It is fun to write about the hilarious and painful things they do all day!  I’ve been there.  But then the kids get bigger, and busier, and sometimes the problems are less fun and you actually need to be more private.  And the mom bloggers of older kids seem to be a rarer breed.

I had this lofty idea that I would write to help those younger moms–just to let them know that where they are going isn’t so scary, that the changes don’t mean the end of all the good stuff.  More good stuff, just different good stuff. And what a great idea.

But when I sit with it, it doesn’t feel like ME.  I just want to tell the world what we are up to.  How it changes and moves.  As I was thinking about my post today, I realized that documenting the changes is important to me.  It’s good to remind myself of the good that comes with some changes.  Because we all know it won’t be the last change I’ll have to adapt to.

This month I’m going to be posting, just to share bits and pieces of my life. I’d love to have you come along with me. I’ll be a little meandering–that just comes with this territory. I hope that my blog will take shape and you’ll find some hospitality here.  So while things are a little rough around the edges, I’m so glad to be here. Thank you for reading just one post or all 31.

That’s my son on the field!  In the white jersey.  Well, one of them, although I do love all those boys bunches.  We spent the evening more than an hour away from our home stadium, bringing it to another team 55-39.  It was a little closer than we would have liked.

In spite of this being the first Friday in October, this is Matthew’s first game of the season.  The week before our season opener he suffered a concussion in practice.  Concussion recovery is a big deal, bigger than we understood.  Lots of missed school days, lots of sleep, and absolutely no physical activity for far longer than a strapping teenage boy wants to admit.  He did it, though, and got to return to the field with the full confidence of his coaches and doctor.

Do I worry it will happen again?  Heck, yes, and so does he.  But he loves the game and his team and it is worth the risk. So we show up on Friday nights and scream and yell and watch boys become men.

I was supposed to have a different post today, but I’m just not happy with it.  It’s sitting in draft mode right now, waiting for some work this weekend.  Maybe later.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

This afternoon Bill and I worked concession at the middle school football game–it’s a service the varsity parents perform for the middle school parents, and they return the favor during varsity games.  The younger three kids didn’t want to stay, so they caught a ride home (Thanks, Aunt Stacy!). My oldest had football practice, concluding with team dinner.  Bill left concessions early to swing by home, grab dinner, and head out to a church meeting that will probably last another hour from now.  Late.  The other three kids ate, well, I don’t actually know when.  I know they ate, because there are very few ribs in the pan!  I was supposed to have a riding lesson late this evening, but I have shingles and I’m just not up to it.  So I’m actually home unexpectedly.

This is all to just give you an example of one night in our home.  One.  Most are just as irregular–not chaotic, because we can plan for them, but not regular, and we don’t get to hang out together.  This hurts my mama heart.

I love dinner time.  I love my tribe gathered around the table and I love the laughing and the eating and the coming together.  We all do.  And so when the outside world encroaches my first instinct is to put a wall up.  No way, no how, is anyone messing with dinner time. Maybe you have a ritual in your home that you love dearly and don’t want to give up to the world, too.

And really, to get down-and-dirty honest, I was scared.  I was scared that losing dinnertime would mean losing my family.  My kids don’t just love me and their dad.  They love and care for each other.  Their social circles overlap.  They are involved in each other’s lives, and each one values the opinions of the others.  (Okay, not always, and not on everything, but they are close.)

I was so afraid that we would come unglued as a family if we couldn’t all have a common schedule.  I’ve seen so many families where home was just the place they all happened to sleep.  I didn’t want to be that family.

I actually said “no” for a little while.  We didn’t do extracurricular activities that interfered with dinner, and kept our commitments to a minimum. But it just isn’t realistic in our world.  Scouts, sports, meetings…it was a choice of diving in or staying out of the pool altogether.

If I had stayed attached to my family dinner, we would have lost out on Scouts, wrestling, football, track, swimming, and acres and acres of horseback riding. (Also committees at church, but it’s unclear that would be a loss!  LOL) My kids have loved doing these in their different seasons, and in most cases we have all grown from these experiences.

I looked at what was important with family dinner time.  It wasn’t the food.  It was being together, all seeing each other and spending a few minutes regrouping.  My kids love each other and they need that time to be reminded that they have bonds that are special.

We adjusted to a new rhythm.  We’ve found that by making some changes we can still feel connected.  Here are a couple of the changes we made, and later this month I may talk in more depth about them:

• Sunday dinner.  Non-negotiable. Guests welcome.
• A nightly touch-base.
• Occasional breakfasts before school.

This is actually the most significant of the adjustments we made for a new and busier schedule.  I’ll share some of my other thinking, too, but I think I’ll save it for another post.  I’ve got 29 more of these posts to write this month!

Meanwhile, maybe you are feeling under siege like I did.  Kids grow and schedules get more intense, friends beckon, and there might even be jobs looming.  Can you identify the one thing, ONE, that you are afraid you will lose by adjusting to a different rhythm?

Thank you for visiting.  This is the first post, obviously, in my new blog, with my very own url!  I’ve decided to dip my toe back in the blogging world because I miss the record it created for my family, and because I loved having a forum to share the things we were working on, doing, and learning.  So I’m back.

Why “Holding Butterflies?” A long time ago I realized that as much as I loved my children and my life exactly as it was, it was bound to change.  Held too tightly, my children wouldn’t have the freedom to grow and stretch and become fully the people God had created them to be.  Held too loosely, well, I’d miss out–actually, we ALL would miss out.  There is a balance, and it’s a lot like when you try to hold a butterfly.  And that image has guided me a lot ever since.

And what are we working on, doing, learning?  So much.  Our horse farm, Shady Oaks.  A new home there, new arena and fencing and friends.  Football and wrestling and running.  Algebra and English and trombone and guitar and piano.  Becoming a CEO. Quilting. Canning. Laundry. Hopefully, doing it with our eyes on the life that God would have us to lead. Not always succeeding.

Please be a little patient as I work around with the format.  I like to use a lot of photographs and there are lots of WordPress themes that are so cool.  I’ll try to limit myself.