Month: October 2014

Clarity! Actually, it’s any writing that helps.

Stacks of journals…solid evidence that I used to write. A LOT. And then I drifted away.

I’ve found in the past couple of days that this mulling, on the page or screen, helps a good bit with clarity. I was getting ready to have a difficult conversation and was feeling muddled. So I started listing out all the points I needed to make. When I started my list the points felt disconnected, random.

But a picture emerged as I wrote. Much like the really complicated dot-to-dots that you might have done in the fourth grade, not the easy-peasy kindergarten ones.

I went into that conversation confident and, even better, clear. Clear where we needed to go, clear on what the situation truly was.

Here’s to more writing, and more clarity! Have you noticed anything like this in your writing life? And what should I do with all those notebooks?!

…because you said you’d do it 31 days in a row. That’s where I am.

About 3 weeks ago, I got something in my eye. Dust, maybe. Later that day I noticed that the side of my face was swelling, in particular the lymph node right by my ear. So I made an appointment to see the doctor the next day. She saw some debris, rinsed and prescribed an antibiotic to be extra careful. By Sunday I was in terrible pain and skipped church to go to urgent care where I was diagnosed with cellulitis. More drugs and more eye drops.

The next day the swelling still wasn’t down, so I called the eye doctor and went in. Pink eye! Of course. How strange. No one else had gotten it, and it hadn’t spread to my other eye. But, okay. Stronger antibiotic and steroid.

Tuesday, I woke up around 4 am with terrible stabbing pain in my eye. It would water just from the pain. The effort to see sent me into more spasms of pain. I waited until 8 to text my eye doc (he’s a great guy) and he texted me right back–Shingles. I’m calling in more medicine for you. Call me and let me know how you are doing.

Whew. Shingles. But there was no rash! None at all. I got the drugs…but by Wednesday the entire side of my face and throat were swelling. Back to my primary, where he absolutely agreed. “Wow, shingles. No rash. This is bad.”

Right away he sent me to an ENT across town because, in addition to screwing up your eyesight, shingles in your ear/lymph area messes with hearing and balance. By the time I drove back home that night I could barely see due to the pain, and was terribly dizzy. One-eyed + dizzy = stupid driving. I quit driving for five days.

So that was the first week. Two weeks and many, many more doctor visits later I’ve regained about 80% of my eyesight in that eye (at one point I couldn’t even see the top letter on the eye chart!) and the dizziness has receded a lot as well. I have to say I have gotten great care from my three doctors. But I’m just so tired and headache-y.

And frustrated. Yesterday I rode my sweet horse Finn for the first time in three weeks. That is a looooong time off for this old girl, and for that young hot-shot thoroughbred, too. He was a rock star, so sweet and attentive. Apparently he missed me. So I was feeling pretty great today as I decided to fit in a Pilates class.

I almost passed out. Before this shingles episode I rode four days a week, walked three miles a day (most days) and did Pilates two days a week. Active. I couldn’t make it through the whole hour today, and I was completely worthless the rest of the day. Cold sweat, light-headed…It took me 90 minutes to recover enough to eat lunch! And then I needed a nap and had no focus this afternoon.

So I’m sitting here wanting to write about lovely things and instead I sound like a whiny old lady going on about her ailments. I know I just have to be patient. But there is a joke in our house. I never, ever pray for patience, because the Lord doesn’t just give it to you. He teaches you. And that is one lesson I just am not interested in learning.

Prayers and good thoughts sent my way would be greatly welcome! I’m so ready to be free of this stupid virus. Back to more fun things tomorrow!

Blogging makes me notice and record. I love that! Some scenes and a couple of memories from today…

One

Matthew (Tenth Grade) has an assignment requiring him to identify a deity, a tragedy, and a bad leader from a civilization. He drew…Native Americans. Which is totally cool for the deity–tons!–and a tragedy–the Trail of Tears, HELLO, we live in Georgia. But when it came to the bad leader, he couldn’t find one! There are a ton of lists of great Native American leaders, but not one whisper of criticism of a possibly less-than-stellar Native American leader. Apparently they were all fabulous! His teacher said he should just pick the least good-sounding one. An assignment falls prey to political correctness.  Ha.

Two

The college letters have started to pick up for Matthew. Every day brings one or two.  Today there were four. Paige (Seventh Grade) eyed the stack of mail on the counter, sighed, and said, “I really just think Matthew should ignore all of that and live at home after he graduates.” Heart, melted.

We got some great news today for my husband’s company.  We will be celebrating–can’t really describe it any more than to say it feels like a huge weight has been lifted. We are so grateful.

Thanks for visiting! If you blog, what do you notice when you are posting more? What do you miss when you don’t post?

 

This was today’s Proverb on Daily Audio Bible (which is something you should really discover if you haven’t already. Different post. Ahem).

Talk about getting smacked between the eyes. I think I could now re-title my month of writing as “31 days of honesty,” because that’s been my problem.

I want to unpack this verse. It might take a couple of posts, even, because there is just so much going on. I feel very out of practice in my writing, so that I can’t even get to the important nugget here, but I hope I can get close to some of what this verse is making me see today.

When I first heard the verse today, I thought about how refreshing and sweet it can be to get an honest answer. More than that, it feels intimate. The person who is answering feels comfortable in expressing their honesty to me, and knows I won’t reject them because it. Just like a kiss on the lips–vulnerable and sweet and loving.

And then, of course, there is offering the answer.  When I am really honest, it feels so vulnerable. How do I know that the person I offer my answer to is even worth the risk?

And this is where I started thinking about this blog (and my old blogging efforts). I want to be honest. But it is scary–more accurately, intimidating. And also, maybe misplaced. I am a grown woman and I certainly don’t need to be emoting all over the internet.

But further. Making the offer of a sweet, honest observation or answer can be a real gift to the recipient. Here’s an example, because I’m having trouble explaining exactly what I mean. At church yesterday a friend observed that our kids are so friendly with each other. They really like each other! And he asked if they were always like that (yep, pretty much) and how we did that. OF COURSE my first instinct is to brush it off with a mumble of “luck,” “God is good,” “you should see them other times…” but you know what? That isn’t the whole truth. They ARE good friends, and some of that is due to some decisions that Bill and I made very intentionally when they were quite little.

Not being honest deprives my friend (or a reader) of that kiss. It really might help someone and I should be unafraid of the risk of sharing an honest experience I’ve had. It isn’t bragging and it’s not going to jinx my kids so that they hate each other from here on out. It’s not boasting but sharing real, true parenting experience that had a great result so far.

So here’s to honesty. And to the raw vulnerability that a kiss on the lips can feel like. And maybe I’ll share my ideas about helping your kids be friends another day.

**OH! That picture up there–I need to say that I didn’t take that, duh, but a wonderful photographer in Paris did. You can click here to find out more.**

If I’m actually going to blog, I need a few things around here.  First, an “About” page.  I love looking at other people’s pages! An interesting and informative about page is actually one of the most likely reasons I’ll add a blog to my reader.  So I guess I need one.

For my post today I created my “About Me” page.  Please click on the tab up there to check it out, or this link should also do the trick.

 

Scenes from this weekend, so far:

Today, right now, is my favorite age for all my kids.  I love them so much, just like they are now, and if I could freeze them like they are right this second I would.

Except.  Last week, and last year, and five years ago, I would have told you exactly the same thing.  Well, maybe not for the one in 6th grade.  Sixth grade kind of stinks.  But in general, I marvel every day at how much I love where my children are right now.

If I had been able to freeze them, I would have loved it.  But I would have missed out on the incredible blessings of who they are today.  That’s what I learned.

If I get too caught in loving all my circumstances right this second, my happiness will be shattered if anything changes.  And it WILL change.

Instead, I’ve had to choose to love who my kids and husband are right now, in this moment.  And it’s a choice I have to make every single day.

And so that is why I’m writing this blog now.  First, so I can have a record of how awesome our lives are together.  And to share how we have learned to adapt to new circumstances that are inevitable as the kids get bigger.

I’ve noticed that there are lots of mom bloggers with little bitty kids.  It is fun to write about the hilarious and painful things they do all day!  I’ve been there.  But then the kids get bigger, and busier, and sometimes the problems are less fun and you actually need to be more private.  And the mom bloggers of older kids seem to be a rarer breed.

I had this lofty idea that I would write to help those younger moms–just to let them know that where they are going isn’t so scary, that the changes don’t mean the end of all the good stuff.  More good stuff, just different good stuff. And what a great idea.

But when I sit with it, it doesn’t feel like ME.  I just want to tell the world what we are up to.  How it changes and moves.  As I was thinking about my post today, I realized that documenting the changes is important to me.  It’s good to remind myself of the good that comes with some changes.  Because we all know it won’t be the last change I’ll have to adapt to.

This month I’m going to be posting, just to share bits and pieces of my life. I’d love to have you come along with me. I’ll be a little meandering–that just comes with this territory. I hope that my blog will take shape and you’ll find some hospitality here.  So while things are a little rough around the edges, I’m so glad to be here. Thank you for reading just one post or all 31.

That’s my son on the field!  In the white jersey.  Well, one of them, although I do love all those boys bunches.  We spent the evening more than an hour away from our home stadium, bringing it to another team 55-39.  It was a little closer than we would have liked.

In spite of this being the first Friday in October, this is Matthew’s first game of the season.  The week before our season opener he suffered a concussion in practice.  Concussion recovery is a big deal, bigger than we understood.  Lots of missed school days, lots of sleep, and absolutely no physical activity for far longer than a strapping teenage boy wants to admit.  He did it, though, and got to return to the field with the full confidence of his coaches and doctor.

Do I worry it will happen again?  Heck, yes, and so does he.  But he loves the game and his team and it is worth the risk. So we show up on Friday nights and scream and yell and watch boys become men.

I was supposed to have a different post today, but I’m just not happy with it.  It’s sitting in draft mode right now, waiting for some work this weekend.  Maybe later.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!